What happens after the wedding day has come and gone and the steamy honeymoon is already etched forever in the memories of the couple?
Unless you already have those big plans ahead of you, you might be stuck with the awkward thought of asking the horrid question, "What's next, darling?" after relishing the series of big days of your married life. Making that marriage last is an answer worthy of being on that top spot.
The internet and bookstores are already bulked up with so much tips and information on how to preserve the heat of your marriage with most of them talking about handling financial disputes, building a good sex life and detecting a cheating spouse. If your marriage is of much importance to you, then it's time to stop scratching the surface and start seeking the core.
That is why in this article, I will not only give you unique tips that are out-of-the-box yet into the point, but I will also ring you some reality checks about the almost-forgotten essence of marriage.
1. Know yourself and your spouse as yourself.
Out of the many articles I've read about divorce, I could say and you might agree with me that lack of communication between married couples ranks first among the main culprit for divorce. You may say that the simple solution to this is to open your communication lines and be quick to listen, be slow to speak and slow to anger. True, but even this can be easier said than done sometimes.
You see, the lack of communication is only a fruit of not being able to truly know yourself. The closest person you could talk to and listen to is your very own self. Talk to and listen to your partner as you would do to yourself and your partner will be nothing less than your very own other conscious self.
2. Take responsibility for your partner's actions and emotions.
Swallow up your pride and forgive. Wait, what pride? In a relationship of pure and true love, there is no room for personal ego. Your ego is you being an individual, but your real self is you being everybody, especially your spouse.
So whatever your partner does or feels, look at him as yourself. How would you like to be treated when you mess up? Then treat your partner the same way you would want to be treated for in reality, you and your partner are one.
3. Do not try to fulfill your vow; you have fulfilled it because you have said it.
Did you mean what you said in your wedding vow? Do you think your partner does too? Do not think that you are obliged to love your partner because you are under oath. Love without freedom is not love at all.
I have a surprise for you: you mean everything you say, be it a joke or a promise. Whatever goes out from your mouth always has its origins from your heart. And your heart does not 'know' time, only your mind. So in your heart, everything has already happened; everything is already done - and that includes your wedding vows. So if ever you see your partner doing something contrary to what he or she vowed during your wedding, treat him or her as the same person who made that wedding vow and you will see each other face to face.
4. Bring out what's best in you; love your partner more than any vice.
Ask yourself this question: Is he or she worth leaving my vices for?
But YOU are worth it.
Those vices can't exist if it weren't for you but you still can exist even without them. Do not leave them for your partner but for yourself because you are actually torn apart from yourself if your vices are tearing you apart from your partner. Bring out the best in you instead by focusing yourself in an endeavor where you and your partner have a common passion for.
5. Forget the wedding date; live the marriage Day.
Yes, you read it right. I'm really saying you don't have to celebrate your wedding anniversaries. We all know that every beginning has an end, every contract has an expiry and every typical wedding vow no matter how touching has a painful "'til death do us part". While some marriages today are done for joint properties' sake, some still get married because they really love each other and you're most probably one of the latter since you're reading this article. So celebrate your "diaversary" every morning.
If you truly and genuinely love your spouse, you'll never expect it to end in death or in divorce. If you don't want your marriage to end, don't give it a beginning. A beginning-less marriage means you have been married to your spouse even before you were wed. Your marriage Day is timeless and eternal.
You are eternally one. That is why the ex's (if there are any), mistakes and successes of your spouse were also yours. By this you are giving no room for blames, hurts and suspicions.
6. Let the love of trust consume the fear of cheating.
It has always been a misconception that jealousy is a sign of love. But in truth, jealousy is a sign of possessiveness and a fruit of fear owing to lack of genuine love. If you hold yourself responsible for your spouse because you are under the contract named "marriage" instead of your true eternal love, you would fear being cheated and would be consumed by jealousy when the occasion calls for it.
Forget snooping around your spouse for a potential cheating. If you do so, you probably would end up being the one who would cheat. Let your eternal partner know that you love him or her with absolute trust. Focus instead on meeting his or her needs than cowering in your fear.
7. Be man enough to be a woman; be woman enough to be a man.
The husband owns his wife's body as his own and the wife owns his husband's body as her own. Nobody hates his or her own flesh. That is why a man ought to take care his wife's body as a woman would, and vice versa.
So don't let yourself be affected by gender stereotypes. Be also a man for your husband or be also a woman for your wife.
So here they are. I hope you have found some enlightenment from these tips. You'll lose nothing if you give them a try but you could gain everything. You don't have to see this as a guideline or an idealistic standard but simply a spark to ignite that desire that you've always known from within you.
One final thought: What would the world be like if all married couples treat each other this way?